Esther's Rebirth
by Naitouk
Summary: They say if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes truth.  This is the story of "Esther's" rebirth.  More details within.
1. Chapter One

They say if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes truth.

The alternate ending to Orphan leaves a bit, in my opinion, open-ended in the story. I decided to write another alternate ending, and in doing so, I'd toy with an idea I had. In this story, Leena sustains a head injury in her final battle with Kate. As a result, she has no recollection of what has happened or who she really is. She really believes she is Esther. Parts of the story are borrowed from the original version of the Orphan script. Please keep in mind that this is only an introduction, a sort of "flow of consciousness" from Leena after the events of the movie.

**Please let me know what you think of this story by leaving a review!**

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><p><em>I guess I'll never know why it happened.<em>

When I think back to that night, I still shudder in both sadness and fear. Truthfully, I can't remember much before the gun shots. I heard two, maybe even three as I was violently flung backwards. After that, everything became a blur. I can remember the man picking my body up into his arms and holding me close to try and keep me warm as he darted along the snow covered grass towards the city of lights in the distance. Everything happened so fast. Voices, glimpses of faces, everything was so unfamiliar to me. After what seemed like an eternity, it all swirled away into nothingness.

My next memories are of waking up in a hospital. Although my mind instantly began to wander as consciousness returned, the soft hum of the medical equipment soothed me. I breathed slowly in and out, searching my memory to try and remember what happened to me. I couldn't remember anything at all.

This scene replayed on and off over the course of several days and nights until I had begun to (somewhat) sleep normally. A very patient lady named Emily came to visit me. It was then that I learned of the fate my family. I was heartbroken after learning that someone had taken daddy from us. This wasn't the worst news though. I later learned that mommy was the one who killed him. The police had been forced to kill her in order to save my life. Emily said mommy kicked me down, and when I landed, I hit my head. Mommy was going to shoot me! She says that hitting my head is the reason I don't remember any of what happened.

It's for the best, I guess.

I later found out that my big brother Daniel also died in the hospital. They said that he had been injured a few days earlier and was just unable to hold on. He fought bravely to live, they said, but in the end he just couldn't make it. My little sister Max had survived, but when they brought her in to see me, she just broke down in tears and refused to come close to me. I was so sad.

Over the next few days Emily had been coming around more and more often to talk to me. She was so nice! Emily told me that she had arranged for a lot of my things to be taken from the house to here so at least I'd have my clothes and my school books. Of course, I didn't really care about my school books. She also told me that having my personal affairs may begin the healing process and help me to remember things about myself and my life before that night. I think she may be right about that. Something strange happened.

It all started later that night. I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go through the few small boxes of things Emily had arranged to be brought to the hospital. She had left for the night, and after her final visit, I was usually left alone except for a few visits from the nurses throughout the night. When I had looked in the last box, I found a smaller box in side of it. It was full of makeup. For some reason, I couldn't stop looking at it and the makeup inside of it. It was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't remember much more about it. I was drawn to it, and even though I don't know why, I had an overwhelming urge to put the makeup inside of it on. Maybe I just wanted to make myself pretty? I noticed that under the box of makeup was a large amount of cloth wrapping. Was this part of a mummy costume or something?

I don't quite remember the details of what happened next, it was all a blur, but before I knew it, I was staring into a small mirror admiring my own pretty face. I decided that I should start wearing makeup more often! After brushing my hair, I returned to my bed for the remainder of the night.

_Is there something wrong with me?_

Sometimes I think there is. I can't understand a lot of the things that I'm feeling. I have urges that are overwhelming and scary. These urges sometimes take over, and before I realize it, I find myself doing something strange and not even remembering having done it. Putting on makeup that first time started it all.

_Something must be wrong with me._

Emily gave me more advice. She's really nice. She said that I just experienced some very rough things that a little girl my age should never have to experience. To help me understand what I'm feeling, she suggested I write down my feelings so that I could revisit them whenever I wanted to. She also said that this way I wouldn't forget anything, and that we could talk about it when she visited me. She said that eventually, if I'm lucky, I should be able to remember more about what happened.

I'm tired of being consoled by everyone. The doctors, the nurses, and even Emily. I'm tired of being told how brave and smart I am. They keep telling me I'm unusually smart for my age and that I speak very well. They keep saying I must have been very well educated and must read a lot. I don't know if they're right or not because I don't remember much about my past. They say I'm from Russia and even showed me a passport with my picture on it and birth certificate. I think they're right because I can read and understand the words on both of the documents.

I guess I'm just tired of hearing things about myself because I can't remember any of it!

I'm confused. How can I know my name, but not know who I am? I sit in this boring hospital and strain my brain for hours trying to remember something … ANYTHING AT ALL … but nothing ever comes to mind. Naturally, the frustration and confusion gives way to anger. Yes, anger. Emily told me that it's normal to be angry at the situation I'd just gone through. She said that she can't imagine how it must feel to lose two families in such a tragic way. Yes. Two families. This is when I learned that before mommy and daddy adopted me, another mommy and daddy had adopted me. They died in a fire.

When I was told about losing two families, I cried for hours. The only thing that made me feel better was getting mad. I was mad at the world, mad at how unfair life is. The only family I had left didn't want to even be in the same room with me. I understand that this must be hard on Max too, but we at least could have been there for each other. Emily tells me that she's taking the situation much worse than I am, and that her mind is desperately trying to understand the things that have happened. She said that sometimes we make things up in our imaginations to try and help us understand and cope with bad things that happen in our lives. Max is doing this, she said. Max thinks that all of this is my fault, she said that I had killed daddy. Why would she think that? I loved daddy! I got mad when Emily told me this… very mad. Yes. Being angry is the only thing I'm feeling that is strangely natural.

_Something is definitely wrong with me._

**End Part One**


	2. Chapter Two

They say if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes truth.

The alternate ending to Orphan leaves a bit, in my opinion, open-ended in the story. I decided to write another alternate ending, and in doing so, I'd toy with an idea I had. In this story, Leena sustains a head injury in her final battle with Kate. As a result, she has no recollection of what has happened or who she really is. She really believes she is Esther. Parts of the story are borrowed from the original version of the Orphan script. Please keep in mind that this story is formatted as a sort of "flow of consciousness" from Leena after the events of the movie.

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><p>I was excited today because we finally got to leave the hospital!<p>

Grandma is going to take Max and me to live with her. Emily told me that she'd still be coming around often for awhile to talk to us and to make sure we're okay. She told me several times that we're very lucky that grandma was able to take us in because we'd be able to continue going to the same school and keep the same friends. Our lives would not have to change too much after all that has happened. This didn't make me feel any better. Why would it? How many girls can say they went through three mommies and daddies? Why can't I be normal?

_Keep the same friends? Do I even have friends?_

I don't remember much about school or any friends I might have had. When I told this to Emily, she said that going back to school and being around other kids my age would be a good thing. She says that it might even help me remember more about the way things were before, but I don't know if I agree with her. This entire situation seems like a cruel joke that I'm the center of. Why do I need to go through this? Why do I deserve to not have parents anymore? Why do I deserve to have a little sister who thinks I tried to hurt her?

It was pretty early in the morning when Emily came into my hospital room and opened the curtains. The sun flooded into the room and immediately brightened everything. I felt good in that moment because I was excited to be able to go outside, to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. After breakfast, I quickly got dressed and freshened up my makeup. It's become a ritual for me: I don't even think about it when I'm doing it! It was finally time to go. Everything seemed to be going well, but just as we were walking through the hospital lobby to leave, I had another of those strange things happen to me.

Grandma was holding my hand while Emily carried Max. Two nice men who worked for the hospital were helping carry our things to the car. Everything seemed to be going well until I noticed the large piano in the lobby. There was a small cafe/restaurant beside it where patient family members could stop to get a quick bite to eat. I guess they sometimes had someone come in and play the piano. For some reason, I couldn't stop looking at it. I was drawn to it! Grandma tried to stop me at first, but Emily told her it was alright. I don't even remember walking over to the piano, but before I realized what I was doing, I was seated at it pushing random keys. I don't know why, but sitting at a piano just felt right.

_Do I know how to play the piano?_

I learned something new about myself from the experience: I DO know how to play the piano! I'm still not quite sure how I did it, but I relaxed for a moment and just let go of all of my worries, my sadness, and most importantly, my anger. I began to play the piano and I don't even remember doing it! My next memory is of grandma standing behind me with her hand on my shoulder telling me that I play beautifully, just like mommy did. Max was standing next to her staring at me, half hiding behind her legs. I guess she realized I was playing the piano. After I finished playing, I just sat there staring at the keys while tears slowly dripped from my eyes. Max continued to stand there watching me.

_Why?_ _What is wrong with me? _

When Max and I finally arrived at grandma's house, Max spent most of the afternoon crying. Emily spent the day with us, but most of her time was in private with Max. I didn't know, but she also knows how to sign well enough to talk to her. This was lucky because grandma couldn't sign too well. Later that night, after Emily had left, I could tell that Max was very, very tired. She still wouldn't come near me, and every time I tried to talk to her, she just sat there with an uncomfortable look on her face. Her eyes seemed to look right through me. Even though she wouldn't talk (sign) back to me, I had things I wanted to tell her. It was rough, but I had to get them out.

I don't think I was with the Coleman family for very long, but I grew to love the four of them so much. It feels like we had lived together for years, I felt like I belonged there. I hugged Max tightly to me and tried really, really hard to keep the tears from coming out. She just sat there, shivering. I could tell that she was still so scared of me. I just couldn't keep myself from crying. I told Max that I loved her, and that no matter what, I'd always be there for her. I told her that I missed mommy and daddy, and that I'd never hurt her. She relaxed a bit as grandma came back into the room and sat down on the couch next to us.

I held my little sister close and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. Grandma sat there in silence for a long time, but after some time, she pried Max from my arms and brought her upstairs to sleep. When I think about mommy and daddy's house, I can only remember a few pictures here and there in my mind. I don't think grandma's house was as big as our old house, but it was big enough for Max and I to stay there. She had told me during the drive home on that Max and I would have to share a bedroom. After tucking Max in to bed, she came back down and held me in her arms for awhile. I struggled not to cry, but I couldn't help myself from sobbing uncontrollably. She kept telling me how brave I was.

_All I felt was pain._

I was so miserable without them all, and it hurt so bad that Max didn't want to talk to me. Grandma told me that Emily had talked to her about Max, and she reassured me that Max would quickly realize that she has a big sister who loves her very much and that her fears about me were all in her imagination. She told me that I'd have to be extra strong for not just myself, but for Max too. I just hope I can be strong enough for the two of us.

I miss you _daddy_.

**End Part Two**


	3. Chapter Three

They say if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes truth.

For Leena, this "truth" relates to her identity as Esther, and was brought about by a head injury sustained during her final struggle with Kate. In part three, we learn more about some of the emotional trauma Esther is experiencing. Part three ends on a happy note when Esther receives a surprise from her grandmother. Hopefully she enjoys the moment of happiness while she can … After all, can happiness based on a _lie_ last forever?

Please keep in mind that this story is formatted as a sort of "flow of consciousness" from Leena after the events of the movie.

**Begin Part Three**

I thought Emily had prepared me pretty well for the difficult road ahead. Even though I missed them so very much, I seemed to be having a much easier time moving on than Max. I was wrong. It's a shame Emily couldn't be in two places at once, because I really needed her. Although she tried her best to divide up her time between Max and I, she did tend to spend a bit more time with my younger sister than me. I understood that this was very hard for Max, so I decided to try and be strong for the two of us like grandma had suggested.

Grief is a powerful force, perhaps one of the most dangerous things somebody can face. Yes, anger and emotions like it are very dangerous too, but grief can be the catalyst for feeling those emotions. I guess this is why I alternate through periods of deep sadness and pure anger. My anger is directed at the world and just how unfair things are. What did Max and I do to deserve the cruel fate that we now have to endure? What about grandma? Did she deserve to lose a son?

These are the things I thought about as I sat alone in grandma's living room with my eyes cast out of the large bay window behind the sofa. I thought staring out at the beautiful snow would help calm me, but I was wrong. The perverseness of the universe kept my mind focused on the events that had befallen our family over the past weeks.

_Why?_

Like I said, I really thought Emily had prepared me to at least be able to cope with these feelings on my own. I was wrong. I was constantly being followed by my demons. They were ALWAYS there, lurking just two steps behind me. Just when I thought I'd escape them by locking myself in the solitude of sleep in a feeble attempt to relax my mind, they followed me into the dream world. This is why I really, really needed to talk to Emily. Although these sorts of dreams were new, they were horrific and served to only maintain my constant agony over the current situation.

I couldn't remember all of it, but what I did remember scared me more than I was prepared for. I'd be running down a long hallway, chased by some person I knew to be bad. I somehow knew that this was a person who wanted to hurt me. I guess it was at a school because the halls were lined with open doorways leading into rooms filled with desks. I screamed as loud as I could as I continued to run from my attacker, but nobody came to help me. Ahead of me in the distance, I could see two large double doors at the end of the hallway leading outside. They stood wide open, but they never seemed to get any closer to me despite how fast I ran. As time passed, I began to move slower and slower, and every few seconds I could feel the icy cold hands of my tormenter brush dangerously close to the back of my neck.

After what seemed like an eternity, I glanced down at the object in my hand. It was a pair of pointed scissors. Even though fear creeped through my body, I instantly knew exactly what needed to be done. In a last ditch attempt to save my life, I spun around and jabbed the pair of scissors directly into the chest of my attacker. His hideous face contorted in pain as he slumped to the ground clutching the large knife lodged in his chest. Yes, knife. The pair of scissors had somehow become a large knife.

As his breathing became more and more labored, I knelt down beside him. He reached his hand out and gently caressed my cheek as he struggled to say my name. I could feel the wetness on my skin from his blood soaked hands. It was then that I realized the man lying on the floor in front of me was my very own daddy. I had just killed my daddy. Screaming for help, I shot up from my sleep in sheer terror. Grandma ran into Max and I's room moments later and took me tightly in her arms whispering something I can't remember over and over into my ear in an attempt to comfort me.

By the time grandma had succeeded in calming me down, I realized that it was nearly lunch time. They had let me sleep much later than I usually did. Max was already awake, dressed and downstairs talking to Emily. After several minutes of holding me, grandma (much to my dismay) left the room with the promise of coming right back. True to her word, she returned less than five minutes later with Emily who took a seat on the side of my bed. Taking me into her arms, Emily sat with me in silence for several minutes as she gently stroked my hair. I felt safe.

Emily finally began by asking if I'd like to talk about my nightmare. I simply nodded and told her as much of the story as I could. She nodded understandingly and continued to gently stroke my hair, gently rocking me back and forth. After finishing the history of my horrible night terror experience, she explained that it's a natural thing for me to feel responsible for what happened. She continued to stress that what happened to mommy, daddy, and Daniel was not my fault, and that it's alright to talk about what happened as often as I needed to.

After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, in what I believe to be an attempt to cheer me up, Emily told me that she and grandma had a surprise for me. Of course, she would not tell me what it was, but just knowing that they had planned something for me did help me to feel _a little_ better. After several minutes of playful prodding and a few giggles here and there, she continued to guard the secret safely behind the playful grin on her lips. Our "game" was interrupted by grandma re-entering the room preceded only by a gentle knock at the door.

Emily informed her that I was now aware of "the surprise," but didn't know exactly what it was. She and grandma grinned in unison over their shared secret as I pouted. After making a remark about how good it was to see me smile again, grandma instructed me to get dressed and come downstairs for some lunch. She also said that the surprise had arrived last night and was already there waiting for me. Needless to say, I hurried to dress as soon as the two of them left the room. Of course, now that I shared a room with Max, I also locked the door first.

Why did I lock the door?

My heart beat quickly in anticipation as I hurried down the staircase to rejoin grandma, Emily, and Max. I was very excited to know a surprise waited for me downstairs, but I knew I could never have what I wanted most. I wanted my family back. As I turned the corner into the living room, I was shocked to see a piano! Before I could open my mouth to express my joy, Emily said that the piano belonged to mommy and daddy. She also thought that after seeing how happy playing the piano at the hospital made me, this would be an excellent way to try and cheer me up. When she had told this to grandma, grandma immediately went to work and had gotten permission to have mommy and daddy's piano brought here for me. She even had rearranged her furniture to be able to fit it into the room!

Max was standing behind grandma, partially hiding behind her legs as she cautiously watched me walk over to the piano. I smiled towards her, but she responded by trying to further hide herself. Max was obviously still terrified of me, and it tore me up inside. I longed for her to smile at me again, to let me be there for her, and for her to be there for me, but today would not be that day. I reached down and gently ran my fingertips along the keys of the piano. I was overwhelmed with a sense of familiarity. I stood there for just a moment with a smile on my face. This was a rare moment…

_I was at peace._

**End Part Three**


	4. Chapter Four

They say if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes truth.

In part four, "Esther" continues to have horrible nightmares, this time involving her now departed older brother Daniel. What are these dreams? Where have they come from? Will she find meaning behind them?

Please keep in mind that this story is formatted as a sort of "flow of consciousness" from Leena after the events of the movie.

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><p>I spent the rest of the day seated at my new present trying to learn more about my apparent piano abilities. It was good to spend some time where my mind was not focused on the loss of <em>daddy<em>. Unfortunately, as I spent more and more time seated at the piano, the music helped me to remember things. Sort of. It was more like looking at a slide-show of pictures taken out of context, but most of the pictures were of horrible, horrible things. I didn't even recognize many of the people in them!

I tried to lose myself in the music, but grandma and Emily would break my concentration every so often as they'd come in and out of the room asking me questions about the pieces I was playing. Honestly, I don't remember much about the songs. I don't even understand how I'm able to play them! I would just start pressing keys on the piano and before I knew it, complex songs would begin to flood the room. Time seemed to speed up, and finally during one of the songs I played, Emily interrupted me to say she thinks that I must have been playing piano since I was really young, and to once again comment on how well I play. With a hug, she told me she would be leaving for the day and that she'd see us tomorrow.

I looked away from the piano as she left and realized that the sun had begun to fall from the sky. I had played piano for most of the day! Although (except for my fingers) I had barely moved today, I felt as if I had somehow visited many places and moments in time. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to connect all of the dots just yet. When I had first met Emily, she said that my memory may return someday. I guess playing the piano helped me take baby steps to remembering more and more about my past and my family.

The rest of the evening passed quietly. Very quiet. Grandma, Max, and I ate in almost complete silence. After I had been away from the piano for awhile, I could feel myself starting to feel strange. I don't even know how to describe it other than to say "bad." By the time I dragged my unusually tired self upstairs to bed, I had resigned myself to the fact that my tormenters were waiting just beyond the veil of dreams. Sure enough, my dreams that night were horrific, but in a different way.

During the previous night, I was chased by some horrible person who wanted to kill me. After I had managed to defend myself and stab the attacker, I realized it was daddy that I stabbed. Tonight's dreams were much, much worse. It started with me finding myself standing on a small platform with a small wooden door directly in front of me. Somehow I knew that walking through the door would not lead to happy things, but I could not prevent myself from doing so: the drive was overwhelming.

As I reached out to open the door, everything around me changed and I found myself standing in a small room with rudimentary wooden walls. I could see small amounts of light bleeding through the many gaps in the boards forming the walls. I realized that I was holding something in my hand, but for some reason I didn't look down to see what it was. Instead, I was looking straight ahead of me at someone. After several seconds, I realized it was my big brother Daniel! What happened next is hard to explain, mostly because I don't understand it myself. It was one of those moments where you realize that you're dreaming, but are powerless to try and act: I was just going along for the ride.

If I would have been awake, I knew that my eyes would be overfilled with tears. Somehow I knew that Daniel and I didn't get along well, but I wanted to reach out and hug my brother. The dream was so real. I could hear sounds, but it was very difficult to actually understand specific words that were being said. I think I told him that I was just trying to be nice. A little later, I could have sworn I understood him telling me that I "was going to fry."

_I could feel the anger returning._

I began to feel an entirely new emotion in this dream: anger. I don't know why, but I was becoming very angry at Daniel. I think I even wanted to hurt him, probably because for some reason I felt as if he had just threatened my very life. After several seconds, a strange sense of calm washed over me as I suddenly felt the object I was holding in my hand begin to heat up. As I looked down, I saw a hammer. Looking at it closer, I noticed that the hammer was covered in blood! As the blood dripped from the hammer into a small pool on the floor of the room, violent flames began to erupt all around us.

_Fear._

I felt a sense of urgency to flee, to quickly remove myself from the burning room. Unfortunately, I was quickly reminded of the fact that I was only a visitor here and had no real control over the situation. I tried and tried but I could not force my body to move. Before I knew it, I was engulfed in flames from the blazing inferno. The pain was so real! Just as it became overwhelming, everything quickly changed once again. I found myself standing in a field of snow looking up at a wooden tree house. I gazed in awe as I saw thick plumes of smoke seeping through every opening between the boards.

_Did I just start that fire?_

I could not understand why, but grinned evilly as a small figure emerged from the makeshift window. The figure struggled along the makeshift ledge for a moment. I could tell that a very long fall was about to occur. Just when I could see a foot slip from the ledge, the world erupted into violent shaking.

As my eyes shot open, I could see grandma standing over me, her arms gently shaking my shoulders back and forth in an attempt to quickly wake me up. As it turns out, I had started thrashing around uncomfortably and whimpering. Grandma told me that Max had seen me knock something off of the small nightstand that separated our beds and ran to her. Did my little sister still care about me? Was her fear of me starting to go away? I peeked over towards her bed and could see nothing but two little eyes staring at me from beneath the covers.

_Did I just dream I tried to kill Daniel?_

**End Part Four**

**I don't usually like to ask for reviews, but if you've read this far, please take a moment to leave me a review and let me know what you think of the story. **

**I generally don't like to write in first person, so your feedback is crucial in helping me continue this story. Thank you for reading! **


	5. Chapter Five

They say if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes truth.

"Esther" reaches out for support. Will she find it?

Dreams are powerful things. They can take you places, let you see things that you'll never really be able to see and they also offer the opportunity to do things that you'll never be able to do. Dreams can be wonderful things! Unfortunately for me, I've been experiencing the other side of dreams: the darker side. These nightmares have been really making it difficult for me to rest at all. Grandma says that we'll be starting to go back to school next week, so I really hope soon these horrible demons will let me sleep.

After grandma woke me up from my latest horror, I sat in bed for a long time trying to calm myself. I was breathing very, very quickly, and it felt as if my heart was going to break free of my chest. It took longer this time for the fear to go away. This was different. This time, instead of being afraid of bad people trying to hurt me, I was afraid of myself. I had dreamed that I tried to kill Daniel. I decided that I'd tell Emily about this dream when she came by today.

Emily had been staying at the house less and less over the last few days. She would usually stay for a few hours, but beyond that, if Max or I didn't have anything to say, she'd leave. I guess she feels that we're making progress, but we'll see what she thinks about what I told her today. So before speaking with Emily, I decided I'd try and talk to Max again to see what she'd tell me.

It was funny to see Max staring at me from under the covers. It was so rare to see her so full of life. As I looked towards her, all I could see were two little eyes that would blink every so often. I signed that I wanted to talk to her, fully expecting that she would ignore me or maybe even run away. Surprisingly, she didn't. I wish our conversation would have been more pleasant, but at least I learned more about what she was thinking.

In the end, I learned that she really did think I killed daddy. She told me that she saw me do it with her own eyes. She said that I stabbed him over and over again with a big knife. She also said that she saw me try to kill her and mommy, and that she saw me kill one of the sisters from the orphanage I lived at. She said that I pushed a girl from school down at the playground and she ended up breaking her leg. I tried to reassure her over and over that I'd never try and hurt her or anyone else, but she just wouldn't listen. She just kept violently shaking her head side to side and signing that she saw me do it.

I asked her to tell me more about what she had saw me do and she was able to tell me (in great detail) almost everything immediately after I asked. It scared me that her imagination thought up such dark things with so much detail! What's worse is that she must have been thinking about it for a long time because she didn't even have to think about it. I know that Emily said our minds make things up to help us cope and understand when bad things happen, but this … this just makes the situation worse between her and me. I reassured her over and over that I'd never hurt her, but I don't think that she believed me.

My conversation with Emily later that afternoon would be a lot less dark. She had come to the house about an hour after we ate breakfast. Grandma spoke with her for about an hour in private as she did the dishes after asking Max and I to go outside for awhile. Although I was very curious about their conversation, I decided it would be better to let them talk and not risk being caught spying on their conversation. As soon as Max and I walked outside, she ran over to the middle of the backyard, sat down in the snow and began making a snow angel. I walked over and sat near her, delighted to watch her play and hear her giggle after all we had been though.

_Sometimes I feel more like parent than a sister to Max._

Ever since everything with mommy and daddy happened, I've felt a strange sense of contentment in being alone. I don't know if I was always like this, but recently, this is how it's been. Even though I didn't talk to her every day, I've gotten used to having Emily around, and the when I do actually talk to her, I feel comfortable telling her how I really feel. I guess she's kind of like a friend.

After she and grandma talked, Emily came outside and talked to Max and I together for a few minutes. She admired Max's pretty snow angels which made her coo in delight. A few minutes later, Emily and I returned to the house to talk. I decided to begin the conversation by talking about how things were going with Max. I explained that Max was still scared of me, but that the situation seemed to be improving, even if only a little bit. I told her how Max had gotten grandma to wake me up from my nightmare when she saw me knock things off of the nightstand. After that, the conversation turned towards my dreams.

Emily listened intently to every word I spoke. It seemed as if she was considering every single detail of my dream, even managing to take a few notes. At first, I didn't realize it, but this conversation was very different from our normal talks. There were points during our talk where I could swear she seemed bothered by something I'd tell her. The expressions on her face only lasted a fraction of a second, but for some reason, I was able to notice them. When I finished retelling the details of my horrible dream, we sat in silence for about a minute while she jotted down a few more notes. I idly drummed my fingertips on my legs.

That minute seemed to last a lifetime, and I was somewhat relieved when it ended and Emily began to speak. She started by asking me a few questions to clarify a few of the things I had said. She seemed to think very hard about what she wanted to say or ask before she said or asked it. After a few minutes of talking about my dream, she seemed to relax. She repeated over and over throughout our conversation that what happened to mommy, daddy, and Daniel was not my fault, which leads me to think she believes I feel responsible for what happened.

_Do I feel responsible for what happened?_

Later before bed, I realized something that scared me to the very core. Earlier in the morning when I had asked Max to tell me what she thought I did to our family, she said that she saw me stab daddy several times with a big knife. This is exactly what I had dreamed the night before. In my dream I was being chased, but when I defended myself and stabbed what I thought was a pair of scissors into the chest of my attacker, I realized that I had stabbed daddy.

_How did Max know my dream?_

**End Part Five**


	6. Chapter Six

They say if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes truth.

_Solitude._

This is what I felt most of the time during my first day back to school. Although I kind of expected it, I had to admit that a friendly conversation here or there would have certainly brightened my day. Unfortunately for me, this did not happen, and most of the day was spent sitting alone in the grass during recess or listening to the teacher drum on about adding fractions and how the number of rings inside a tree shows it's age. I knew it all already. Teach me something hard!

Emily had told me that going back to school would be the next step in trying to help coax more of my memory into returning. She told me that being around my friends and perhaps talking to them about things I had done would help me to remember more about myself. I was excited about the prospect of this being true, and went into school ready to reconnect with people. The only problem was, there didn't seem to be anyone that wanted to reconnect with me.

Emily dropped me off at school this morning while grandma brought Max. I had to get up much earlier than I had been used to getting up in order for Emily and I to arrive early enough to talk to the principal. I waited outside the principal's office for almost ten minutes before they allowed me to come in and talk to them. The conversation was fairly short with lots of reminders that if I needed to talk at any time throughout the day that I should just excuse myself and go directly to the principal's office. My teacher was warned that this may be a possibility.

It was really nice of them to do this for me, but I was determined not to have to leave class under any circumstances. If being here in a "normal" setting might help me to remember more things about the past, I was completely ready to try and make the day as "normal" as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

_Everything._

What I forgot to think about was the fact that even if I tried my hardest to make the day a normal day for me, it certainly was not normal for everybody else. First, I was still the new girl even before everything happened. I hadn't been at the school very long, and according to my teacher, I hadn't had enough time to make many friends. When she told me this, I resolved myself to trying to fix this situation: trying to make more friends. Boy oh boy was that a mistake.

After lunch, I was walking down the hall to go outside for recess when I bumped head first into this girl making her drop all of the books she was carrying. I recognized her from my class, but of course, I didn't know her name. At first, I could tell she was really angry at me. I bent down quickly to try and help her pick up her books, but when she looked up and realized who I was, the look of sheer dread that took over her face scared me to death. I was suddenly reminded of my dream and how I felt as I ran down the long hallway being chased by someone trying to kill me. I quickly looked behind me and calmed down almost instantly when I saw no one was chasing me.

The girl didn't calm down, she froze and continued to stare at me in sheer terror. I quickly finished picking up the rest of her books from the floor and returned them to her. She barely managed to stammer out a thank you before running away. She must play sports because I don't think I've ever seen anyone run _that_ fast. As she ran away from me, I was sure that I did know her. I just needed to figure out _how_ I knew her, and why she was so scared of me.

I spent the remainder of recess sitting in the grass taking in all of the warm sun. I did a fair amount of thinking during that time as well, but I couldn't remember anything specific about the girl who had run away from me. I saw her with a group of other girls out on the playground, and every so often when I felt sure that she wouldn't notice me, I'd sneak a glance or two at her. I figured that maybe it would help me remember more about who she was. Unfortunately nothing came back to me.

All of this changed after lunch and recess.

After recess, school resumed for my class. I giggled to myself over the groans of some of the other kids as they were lead back into the classroom and again found their way over to a desk. The teacher began by writing several vocabulary words on the board, all of which I could already easily define before she even explained what they meant. As the teacher moved back and forth in front of the chalkboard, light from the window would be reflected by the jewelry around her neck. It was a real pain at first, because each time she'd walk completely in front of the board, light would be reflected right back into my eyes.

_Then I suddenly remembered something …_

It wasn't really a complete memory, but more of those images that flashed in my mind without a context. I was standing on some kind of landing looking out of a window or some sort of opening. The sun was shining down directly in my face, so it was hard to make out all of the details. When I looked down, I caught a glimpse of the girl who I had bumped into earlier, except she was lying on the ground several feet below me. She looked very hurt.

_For some reason, I felt that I had to get away._

As I concentrated on trying to remember more details surrounding the images flashing before my mind, I guess I was staring at my teacher and her jewelry. She noticed, and after asking me if everything was alright, asked me to step out into the hallway with her. When we got outside the classroom, she closed the door and knelt down before me and asked me again if I was really okay.

Then she asked me about Brenda.

So it turns out that the girl I bumped into earlier in the hallway knows me: her name is Brenda. So this was when things became really strange. My teacher asked if Brenda was bullying me again. I blushed and told her that I really don't remember much about what happened before the accident. I actually froze up when I was trying to find the word to describe what had happened to Max and me. Finally, I settled on the word accident. Anyway, she began to explain it to me.

It turns out that Brenda had been teasing me when I first started at the school. My teacher wasn't there for the entire episode, but she told me that she came running out of the classroom when she heard shouting. When she arrived, she said that I was on the ground trying to gather the pages of my bible that other kids said Brenda took from me. Then, this Brenda girl tried to rip off ribbons I was wearing. I started screaming at that point and scared several teachers nearly to death! I guess Brenda doesn't like me.

_Why was Brenda so scared of me today?_

After school was over, Mrs. Grosse asked me to stay back a minute and talk to her. Again, this is where things got pretty strange, and having my memories back would have really helped me answer her questions. After all the other students left the classroom, she closed the door to give us a bit of privacy. She tells me she never did have a chance to really talk to me since I was placed in her class, and she asked me about where I originally came from. I told her that I was adopted by an American family from an orphanage in Russia, and that I only remembered that because Emily had told me after the accident.

At this point, things got even stranger. She asked if anyone at home ever hurt me. When I asked her to explain exactly what she meant, she reached over and ran her fingertips gently along my wrists. I immediately knew what she meant: she was concerned about the scars on my wrists and neck. My mind quickly began racing, knowing that even though I could not remember the source of these scars, I'd have to come up with something convincing or this could create a very bad situation.

After several seconds, I lowered my head and informed her that the scars came from my time in Russia, but I could not remember exactly how I got them. If she didn't believe my story, she didn't seem to show it. With a quick nod, she took my hand and told me that if I ever needed anything, I could come to her. She reminded me that I could always talk to her and tell her if anything was wrong.

_Where DID these scars come from?_

**End Part Six**


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